Art is the only thing that keeps me going.

If it isn't for art, I would be stuck in this warhole with all these crazy thoughts and I'd probably go insane. Exaggerate, if I must.

I can't smile a SMILE. I can't even envision myself smiling the same way. If it's in any way possible, I wouldn't want to wake up tomorrow. I don't see the point of my existence. There's no other reason for my existence.

Call it nonsense, what I'm typing right now. You're probably thinking that I don't really mean it. Maybe I don't. Maybe I'm just looking for a way to escape my problems. Maybe I'm afraid. On the other hand, maybe I do mean it. What if I do mean it? Would it make any difference? My problems still won't be fixed.

They say what about the people who care for me? Well, what about those people? What if most of the people who care for me are my problems? What if?

I don't want to carry any more burden. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want life to be miserable. I don't even want problems. But everyone makes mistakes. Unfortunately this time, it's going to ruin my whole life and I don't want to take that risk. I don't know how to handle it.

Any kind of comfort right now won't do me any good. I'm sorry. I just need to let it all out.

If ever my life doesn't end tomorrow, I hope i'll get through this without getting hurt in any way. I'm not a perfect person. I have flaws too. It's just that some people expect more than what I can achieve. I hate letting people down. Especially those who believe in me.

I want to be happy again. I want to smile and mean it. I want to take every spec of worry off my chest.

GOD, help me.